I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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