its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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