Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you never un-have a 4some
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
