so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
