I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
