As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
