yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just invented taco cereal.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
