Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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