so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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