my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
