he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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