...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
