i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
