Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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