Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
