im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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