Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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