so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
