I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Randomize
