me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
