If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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