the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
