i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
