I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
