The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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