What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
