i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
