Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
