So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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