I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
