Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
