I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
