why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
