It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
