I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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