He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
