my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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