She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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