I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
