We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
