did you get engaged???
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
