Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
