I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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