He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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