you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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