I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
