apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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