Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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