is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
