I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
