My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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